Reznor Collection

receipttrogleSoftware and s/w Development

Oct 29, 2013 (3 years and 9 months ago)

121 views





Trent Reznor

Short Story Collection












Reznor Collection

SGSK


Knights

Reznor Collection


2

The Concert




Nine Inch Nails
,
Nine Inch Nails
,
Nine Inch Nails!”

The crowd

roared all around
me.


I
shouted, with tears in my eyes, “
Nine Inch Nails
!”


The smoke hid the stage, a light shone on the drum set, and the music began.
Trent Reznor walked up to the microphone, “
So impressed with all you do. Tried so
hard to be like you
. ” He held the micropho
ne to his lips and performed the track,
Somewhat Damaged
. “
Flew too high and burnt the wing. Lost my faith in everything
.”

The music played behind him, a fast tempo industrial rock tune. The crowd
roared, pushing all around me, with their arms up
in the a
ir

and cheered.

Knights

Reznor Collection


3

“Holy shit Gabby!” Marc bellowed beside me, “This is Amazing!” He put his
arm around me and shouted along to the song.


“Yeah!” My words muffled by the noise, I screamed. I shouted the lyrics,
sweat dripping from my chin, and rocked back
and forth to the
melody
.

A girl’s foot hit my cheek, Marc pushed her body over our heads, and I
pushed her legs forward as she sang along to the music. Dan, Jen, Brian, and
Courtney jumped up and down in front of us. An elbow prodded my side, someone’s
foo
t hit my shin, a stranger placed her hand on my shoulder, a man’s chest bumped
against the back of my head, and I lifted my hands up and shouted, “
Nine Inch Nails
!”

“Where’s Mike?” Marc motioned toward the people in front of us.

“What?” I yelled.

“Mike!”
Marc pointed toward our friends.

I shrugged, pushed down on Marc’s shoulder and jumped up and down
shouting along to the music, “
Tear down my reason. It’s your sex I can smell
.
” I lifted
my hands up to help push someone over our heads, a heavy older man, a
s he
screamed the lyrics of the song
Closer
.

Mike popped up behind us, one arm around me and one arm around Marc,
with bottles of water in his hands. He shouted along to the song, “
You make me
perfect. Help me become somebody else.


We sang along with him

and laughed.

Knights

Reznor Collection


4

Marc and I drank a bit of water. Marc held his bottle above our heads. As the
crowd pushed and shoved, he sprayed water on them, shouting and laughing. People
behind shoved us forward, we pushed back, and rocking back and forth we sang
throu
gh song beginnings and ends.

The strobe lights flashed. F
ollowed by a slow instrumental introduction
Trent Reznor, with a low hoarse voice, sang. “
I, hurt myself today. To see if I could
feel
.”

“Holy fucking shit!” Marc shouted, “It’s
Hurt
! Holy shit! He’
s performing the
song
Hurt
!” Marc tossed his baseball cap toward the stage, took off his sweater and
tied it on his waist. He put his hands on Courtney and Dan’s shoulders, jumped up
and down, and shouted as loud as he could, “
Nine Inch Nails
!”

The music p
layed on, the fans cheered, Trent Reznor sang, “
Everyone goes
away, in the end. And

y
ou could have it all, my empire of dirt
.”


I will let you down. I will make you hurt.
” Tears flowing down my cheeks, I
shouted. “
If I could start again, a million miles
away. I would keep myself. I would find
a way
.”

Brian and Courtney kissed. Dan lifted Jen up on his shoulders. Marc, Mike and
I applauded.


Nine Inch Nails
,
Nine Inch Nails
,
Nine Inch Nails
!” The fans cheered.

Knights

Reznor Collection


5


Just how deep do you believe, will you bite

the hands that feeds? Will you do
until it bleeds?
” The crowd got louder, and shouting the lyrics to
The Hand That
Feeds
, they pushed and shoved as Trent Reznor performed.

Jen turned around and shouted at
Marc, Mike and I, “This is like, t
he greatest
son
g!”

Fans jumped, shoved, sweated, and sang all around me.


I keep holding on, and on
,

and on
. A
nd on!


I screamed

as loud

as I could.

The music stopped playing. The crowd applauded.


“Thank you and goodnight Toronto!” Trent Reznor said, the stage lights
turned off, and he disappeared behind the fog machine’s smoke.

The crowd roared, “Encore, encore, encore!”

I
screamed
, “
Nine Inch Nails
! Encore!”

People shouted around me, “Encore!”

A male voice yelled, “Come back! Nine Inch Nails!”

“Is it over?” A girl
beside me asked her friends.

“I don’t know.” Someone behind us replied.

I chanted, “Encore, encore, encore…” My heart raced, sweat dripping from my
forehead, my mouth dry, and my throat raw I yelled, “Encore!”

Knights

Reznor Collection


6

“They’re coming back, for sure. It can’t be ov
er.” Marc yelled in anticipation.

“I don’t think so.” Jen uttered.

“It can’t be over.” Mike shouted.

The

stage

lights
dimmed on slowly
, the fans screamed.
Trent Reznor
appeared

in the middle of the stage
. The band behind him played the instrumental
opening

to
Head Like a Hole
.

Bow down before the one you serve
.” Trent Reznor
yelled into the microphone.

The strobe lights pulsed on and off to the beat.


God money
,

I'll do anything for you. God money
,

just tell me what you want me
to
.”

The fans screamed alon
g as Trent Reznor sang. “
Head like a hole. Black as your
soul. I'd rather die than give you control
.”


Bow down before the one you serve. You're going to get what you deserve
.” I
bellowed.


The crowd applauded. The music came to a stop, the screaming conti
nued.


“Thank you Toronto! Goodnight.” The lights turned off, the smoke hid the
stage, and the music came to a slow stop.


Nine Inch Nails
,
Nine Inch Nails
,
Nine Inch Nails
!” The crowd roared.


On August 30
th

2009,
Nine Inch Nails

performed their last Canadian concert at
the Molson Amphitheater in Toronto.

Virgin Festival

Knights

Reznor Collection


7

Sources
:

Nine Inch Nails. Virgin Festival. Virgin Mobile. Molson Amphitheater,
Toronto. 30 August 2009. Concert.

Nine Inch Nails, and Steve420.
P1010775
. 2010.
Photograph. Web. 2 Apr
2012.
<http://beta.media.nin.com/item/?g_media=photo&_sort=newest&g_tag=&g_type=t
oken&g_val=2123&item_id=95446>.

Taozero. "Nine Inch Nails Wave Goodbye 2009." 2009. Web. 2 Apr 2012.
<http://taozero
-
wavegoodbye.buzznet.com/user/photos
/>.

Reznor, Trent, writ.
Closer
. Perf. Nine Inch Nails. The Downward Spiral,
Interscope Records, 1994. Compact Disc.

Reznor, Trent, writ.
Head Like a Hole
. Perf. Nine Inch Nails. Pretty Hate
Machine, TVT Records, 1989. Compact Disc.

Reznor, Trent, writ.
Hu
rt
. Perf. Nine Inch Nails. The Downward Spiral,
Interscope Records, 1994. Compact Disc.

Reznor, Trent, writ.
Somewhat Damaged
. Perf. Nine Inch Nails. The Fragile,
Interscope Records, 1999. Compact Disc.

Reznor, Trent, writ.
The Hand that Feeds
. Perf. Nine
Inch Nails. With Teeth,
Nothing Studios, 2005. Compact Disc.

Knights

Reznor Collection


8

Virgin. "Virgin Festival Lineup."
Virginfestival.ca
. Virgin Mobile, 2009. Web. 3
Apr 2012. <http://www.virginfestival.ca/ontario/lineup/>.

























Knights

Reznor Collection


9

The Man





Trent Reznor at
Vanity Fair Oscar party, Los Angeles, California, 2001.


The beginning of a journey is never easy. My journey began like that. An
artist’s music is a manifestation of one’s personal tastes, passions, emotions and
creativity. The creativity within me pulsed

with hunger, hunger to be heard, hunger
to be experienced, and hunger to be created. I sat on the couch, in my small
basement bachelor apartment with the laptop on my lap, music programs opened
on my screen, a half empty wine glass in my hand and the red
2009 Cabernet
Sauvignon wine bottle by my feet. I turned to Trent Reznor for comfort.


“Teach me sensei!” I laughed under my breath as I clicked open Trent
Reznor’s January 19
th
, 2012
radio
interview with Zane Lowe for
BBC
. “You’re one of
the most influen
tial and inspirational artists of my lifetime. A singer, song
-
writer,
composer, record producer, you even compose movie scores!” I said out loud, sipped
the red wine, pushed the play button, and listened.

Knights

Reznor Collection


10

“The Fragile, one of my earlier albums landed with

a flop. But I kept making
albums, creating my own music, and people picked up on the originality of this
sound. They accepted me.”
Trent
Reznor
declared
.

“Oh.” I sat, open mouthed, and looked toward my modest music studio. The
keyboard, guitar, bass, drum

pads, and microphone on the small desk by the corner
of the apartment. I looked back to the screen, “Even you, failed at first.”

Trent Reznor discussed the changes in the music industry from the ‘80s to
today. Record companies became more interested in h
ow much revenue an artist or
band can bring rather than the music. “I fought to continue making music, knowing I
could do it on my own terms and hoping it would be welcomed by the public.” Trent
Reznor said.

I became frustrated. “Reznor, for god’s sake! Wh
ere does all this confidence

come from! I just…” the video paused, buffering. I groaned. “Seriously?” I got up,
took short steps to my tiny music studio. I turned on the keyboard, stared at it,
sipped my wine, stared at it some more, turned it off, and sat

back down. “I hope one
day I’ll have an album, my own music, out for the world to hear.” I mumbled. “I guess
I can always just put it on Youtube.” I laughed and clicked play.

Trent Reznor talked about how the coming of the Internet caused him
heartache. He spent a lot of time in fear
Year Zero
, his album, would leak before he
was ready to release it, and it did. “The music was incomplete, the artwork was not
yet ready, but the
fans sought after it.” He said. “I understood it as a type of
compliment, where they weren’t trying to steal my music, but where the fans sought
Knights

Reznor Collection


11

my music because they love my work and just want to hear it. The Internet gave
people a voice. I found a way to

interact with people and fans in a new era.”

“Ah, I guess my journey is just beginning.” I sighed, smiled and sipped the
wine.

“I look to find, what the people want, a way to move along with the changes.”
Trent Reznor said.

“I understand you man, from a
musician to another. I get you!” I flailed my
arms around and spilt my wine. “Shit!” I clicked pause again, rewound a bit of the
video, and ran for a paper towel. My small dog licked a few drops from the ground.
“Gokku, off!” I yelled. After a few minutes
I clicked play.

Trent Reznor spoke of the Internet and how record labels sought to sue fans
for stealing the music. “I encouraged the fans to take the music.”
He

said.

“Yeah!” I shouted, looked around my apartment, hunched my shoulders, and
looked back a
t the screen. “Music isn’t about the money, it’s about the art. A
successful career in music is not all about the money. Right?” I whispered.

“A successful career is a combination of culture, luck, and being at the right
place at the right time.” Trent Rez
nor continued. “But not every artist is successful.”

“Ugh.” I groaned.


“Unfortunately marketing plays a big part in it, from a musician’s stand
point, marketing is a sort of way to understand the world at the time and how to
Knights

Reznor Collection


12

present the album to the publi
c.”
Trent Reznor mentioned that, with record labels in
charge of distributing the music and backing the artist, the music is stolen. “
Record
labels give money

to support the creation, the artist, then they market the album,
and then they own the rights to
the work
. F
orever.” The artist becomes a pretty face,
a recognizable word, there to provide a label for a record company to stick on a
product.


“Yeah! Yeah! I know. I want my music to be mine.” I shouted, my dog barked,
I remembered the wine spill and qui
eted down. I listened wide
-
eyed to what Trent
Reznor had to say.

“Believe in yourself. The music machine is broken. Aside from passion you
need courage and strength to be a musician. Whether it is successful or a failure,
know you tried.”

He chuckled, and with a stern voice said,

“Stick to your guns
, and
get ready to be beat down
.



The video ended. “Wow!” I said out loud, looked at my dog and laughed. “I
better not get in the habit of talking to myself.” I shrugged. “Must be the wine.”
Go
kku lay down by my feet. I reached for a pencil, a paper and my guitar. Filled with
inspiration, ambition, and hope. I said, “I’m ready.”





Knights

Reznor Collection


13

Sources
:

Reznor, Trent, prod.
Trent Reznor Interview with Zane Lowe
. BBC Masterclass,
2012. Web. 24 Jan 2012. <htt
p://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KovthviFOmQ>.
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KovthviFOmQ>.

Trent Reznor, and Pascal Le Segretain.
Trent Reznor
. 2011. Photograph.
Getty
Images North America, Los

Angeles, California. Web. 2 Apr 2012.
<http://www.zimbio.com/pict
ures/1bR3
-
SyFYet/2011 Vanity Fair Oscar Party
Hosted Graydon/2pKN_nDwo7i/Trent Reznor>.

















Knights

Reznor Collection


14

Broken

Marc opens the door.

“Yo!” I smile and wave a computer data disc in front of him. “Are you ready to
watch
Broken
?”


“I was born ready, baby.” He waves me in, and laughs.


I laugh, slip off my coat and hang it on the coat rack by the door. We walk up
the stairs to Marc’s room. He holds a bottle of wine in his hand.


“You know, Trent Reznor said that
B
roken
...” he pauses

at the doorway to his
room and stares at me, “…makes the
Happiness in Slavery
music video look like a
Disney movie.” Marc took the disc from my hand and chuckles.


“Wow! How do you know that?” I sit down on his bed and stare at his forty
-
inch computer m
onitor, as he p
uts the disc into his computer.

“I’ve never seen the
music video.”
I mumble.


“Really?” He shrugs. “And I dunno. I read it on some blog. It’s all over the
Internet. Don’t you own a computer?” He raises an eyebrow and opens the bottle of
wine
.


I giggle. “I was just wondering. No need to be a smart ass. Just

play the
movie.” We both laugh.

I pat his hair as he sits on the bed beside me. “You know this
woman, Gina Morris, wrote an article for a
Nine Inch Nails

news website called
NIN
Knights

Reznor Collection


15

Hotline

t
hat said
MTV

banned
the music videos associated with

The Broken

from
airing on TV.” I say.


“No they didn’t.” Marc snips.


“What do you mean?”


“The music videos in
Broken

were edited for context and played over and
over on
MTV

and other music channels. The
Happiness in Slavery

video came from
this movie.” He searches on his Blackberry’s web browser. “Here is the article I read
on
Rolling Stone Magazine
.”


“Alright, you’re right then! My bad.”


“I do this for a living. I should

know.” Marc states.


“Yeah but you didn’t edit this movie.”
I grumble.


“No, but I love Trent Reznor. I’ve been looking for this movie for the longest
time. It was never officially released,

but it was made as a VHS, and Reznor gave out
copies with differ
ent edits to people he knew, so he would know who leaked the
video. He didn’t want it to send the
wrong idea about him, since it’
s supposed

to be
quite graphic.” Marc smiles
, “I read that on the
Nine Inch Nails Wikipedia

site. I
looked it up before you cam
e over.”


“Oh, that’s cool.” I type up a quick note of what he said into my phone.


“Here.” He pours two full glasses of white wine and hands me a glass. “I’m
going to press play. Turn off the lights.”

Knights

Reznor Collection


16


“Okay.” I hop to the switch, and sit back on his bed.

“You ready?”

“I’m ready!” I giggle.

*


The
Broken

opens with a close up shot of a rope being tightened around a
bald man’s neck. Someone pulls the lever, and he hangs. Scene change. A young male
in hi
s early twenties

standing on the street is shown

from

an amateur camera

inside
a car. Scene change. The
wide
-
eyed
young man is stra
pped to a chair, cleave gagged
.
The bald man paces around him, touching and teasing him. Scene change. The music
begins.
Pini
on

and
Fist Fuck
,
Nine Inch Nails

instrumental tracks, play in the
background as sickening, gory, perverse, dark images flicker on the screen. Images
of torture, bondage, and the young man being tortured flash back and forth as Marc
and I are pulled into
B
roken
.

This is the first day, of my last days.

No need for me to stay the last t
hing left I just threw it away


Nine Inch Nail’s
track

Wish
plays. Trent Reznor is shown in black leather
clothes singing into a microphone surrounded by people in cages swayi
ng to the
music.

Now there's nothing more fucked up I could do


No new tale to tell twen
ty
-
six years on my way to hell

Knights

Reznor Collection


17

Gotta listen to your big tim
e hard line bad luck fist fuck

Don't think you're having all the fun

You know me,

I hate everyone



Marc and
I glance at each other, open
-
mouthed. On the screen
,

scenes flicker
between the bald man rubbing
feces

on the young man’s face

and Trent Reznor’s
psychedelic performance. Silence.
Help me I am in Hell

another
Nine Inch Nails

instrumental song begins, a man sit
s

in a room satiated with flies. Scene change. The
young man’s teeth are ripped out. He
screams and
writhes in agony. Scene change.
Happiness in Slavery

begins. A new man, a naked man, strapped to a machine has his
guts
torn out.

S
lave screams
he's being beat into submission

S
lave screams but he's glad to be chained to that wall

Don't open your eyes you won't like what you see

Human ju
nk just words and so much skin

The man screams, machine drills cut his skin. His blood

spatters. Scene
change. The man’s body lay limp. His guts hang, maggots crawl in and out of his skin,
and a metal clamp crushes his testicles and penis. Blood drips down.

We exchange looks. Marc stares back at the screen. With his hands rested on
his kne
es, he grips his pants. I gasp, squint, and clasp the edge of the bed.

Knights

Reznor Collection


18

Gonna smash myself to pieces

I don't know what else to do covered in hope and Vaseline

Still
cannot fix this broken machine

The music,
Gave Up
,

begins. Scene Change. On the screen, th
e young man
hangs from the ceiling. The bald man stands near him. As the young man wakes the
other man cuts him open, slicing. The bald man licks the blood spatters on his face
contorting in pleasure. The young man screams.

I grab the bottle of wine from M
arc’s hand and chug back as much as I can. He
pulls the bottle from my hand and does the same. Our eyes glued to the screen. I
tremble. The music continues to wail.

After everything I've done I hate myself for what I've become

I tried

I gave up

Throw it

away


The perverse murderer lies on top of the young man’s corpse. He humps his
torn out guts, rips his heart out from his chest, and eats it. The music ends with
looping, screaming, distorted sounds and the screen
fades to black. Silence
. The
murderer ha
ngs, smiling as he falls to his death. The inverted
Nine Inch Nails

“n”
appears on the screen. Scene change. Contrasted in black
-
and
-
white, the

bald

man’s
Knights

Reznor Collection


19

severed head flies across the pitch
-
black background. Marc and I sta
re at the forty
-
inch monitor
. Tre
nt Reznor’s final words resonate in my mind.

I gave up
, throw it away
.

*


We glance at each other, the screen dark, and the room

silent. Marc clears his
throat
.


“Uhm.”
I murmur.


“Yeah.” Marc drinks.


“Right.” I look at my feet.


“Yeah.” Marc turns on the light and sits down.


“Right.” I croak.


“How…” Marc trails off, “…long was that?”


“Twenty minutes.” I stare at my feet.


“Wow.” Marc musters.


“Yeah.”




Knights

Reznor Collection


20

Sources
:

"Broken (film)."
The Broken
. 2008. Web. 14 Feb 2012.
<http://
www.reference.com/browse/broken (film)>.

Christopherson, Peter, dir.
The Broken
. Dir. Serge Becker, Eric Goode, Jon Reiss,
Trent Reznor, and Prod. Trent Reznor. 1993. Videocassette.

Gold, Jonathan. "Love It To Death."
Rolling Stone Magazine
. 8 09 1994: n.

page. Web.
14 Feb. 2012. <http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/love
-
it
-
to
-
death
-
19940908>.

Morris, Gina. "Who Really Is Trent Reznor?."
Select Magazine
. 04 1994: n. page. Web.
14 Feb. 2012.
<http://www.theninhotline.net/archives/articles/xart5a.shtml>.

"Nine Inch Nails Wiki."
Broken Movie
. 2010. Web. 6 Mar 2012.
<http://www.ninwiki.com/Broken_Movie>.

Rossi, Giovanni. "Trent Reznor about Peter C
h
ristopherson."
Nine Inch Nails Untold
.
Blogspot, 23 08 2011. Web. 14 Feb. 2012.
<http://nineinchnailsuntold.blo
gspot.com/>.






Knights

Reznor Collection


21

Piggy

Piggy, Little Piggy


I stared at
the photo
. My stomach turned.

*

I sat in

my
childhood

bedroom
in the town of Oakville
. I looked
around to the
light pink walls with the tiny

Mickey and Minnie mouse stickers,

the white teddy
bears
on the shelves,
the small single bed with the white frilly sheets
and then back
to the photo on the screen.
I shivered. A grotesque murder scene stamped with the
word
PIG
.


Knights

Reznor Collection


22

The faded stains of the word w
ritten in Sharon Tate's
blood
. W
ritten on the
door of
Trent
Reznor's studio.
Displayed

on the screen of my laptop, in my
childhood room. My stomach turned.



Sitting at my desk, I picked up the
Downward Spiral

album

case. I scanned the
track names, my eyes fixated on two,

March o
f the P
igs

and

Piggy
. I opened Itunes
and clicked
March of the Pigs
.

I clicked back to the photo.
Reznor transformed the
home o
f these murders into his studio. Reznor moved out, and took the door with
him.








After midnight, on August 9, 1969, four members of the Manson Family broke into

the
house at 10050 Cielo Drive, Los Angeles. They cut the phone lines, and climbed a hillside
to get in. The pregnant Sharon Tate was stabbed sixteen times. As she pleaded for her
and her unborn child’s life, she was told by one of the female assailants,
"Look bitch, I
don't care about you. I don't care if you are having a baby. You are going to die and I
don't feel a thing about it." She was eight and a half months pregnant.






Time Magazine





Knights

Reznor Collection


23

Sources
:

Chua
-
eoan, Howard. "The Tate
-
LaBi
anca Murders, 1969."
Time Specials
. 01
03 2007: n. page. Web. 6 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1937349_193735
0_1937412,00.html>.

Cormaney, Dana. "Sharon Tate: Helter Skelter."
Hallow Freaks
. (2008): n.
page. Web. 28
Feb. 2012. <http://hallowfreaks.com/?p=20>.

Door of Le Pig
. 2008. Photograph. Hallow Freaks Web. 28 Feb 2012.
<http://hallowfreaks.com/?p=20>.

"Never Forgetting Manson Sharon Tates Sister Keeps Murder Alive."
The
Plain Dealer
: 10.E.
The Advocate (Stamford)
; Baltimore Sun; Greenwich Time;
Hartford Courant; Los Angeles Times; Morning Call; Newsday; Orlando Sentinel;
ProQuest Newsstand; Sun Sentinel; U.S. & Kentucky Newspapers.
Mar 15 1994. Web. 6
Mar. 2012 .

Nine Inch Nails.
The Downward Spiral
. Writ. Trent R
eznor. Interscope
Records, 1994. Compact Disc.





Knights

Reznor Collection


24

Uncertainty


In silence, I clenched my fists.


“No!” Jen shouted. “I disagree.”


“Fuck, guys.” Marc cursed, “I’ve been obsessed with
Nine Inch Nails

for a long
time now, and I know what I’m talking about.”


“Yeah but man, he can’t be that fucked up.” Mike retorted.


“That’s why his music is so great.” Marc said.


“His music is alright.” Jen said.


“F
uck off Jen. His music is great!
” Marc tapped her on the shoulder.


“Don’t fucking touch me.” Jen glared at him.


Dan sat in silence, gorging on a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos.


“Isn’t his music great Dan?” Marc nudged him.


Dan shrugged.


“Gabby?” Marc reached across the coffee table and nudged my foot.


“I don’t know.”
I shrugged. “I idolized Trent Reznor but after that video, the
Broken
. And finding out about that house. I dunno.”


“What video?” Mike asked.


“Don’t worry about it man, I really wish I hadn’t fucking seen that.” Marc said.

Knights

Reznor Collection


25


“Alright, what house?” Mike ask
ed.

*

Elaine Goettler’s voice sounded in the background, the bright
-
lit blank
computer screen mocked me. My eyelids felt heavy. Elaine Goettler, at the University
of Toronto at Erindale library, taught us the steps to access the University’s library
infor
mation. I faded in and out of listening, followed some of the steps, read
Encyclopedia of Music

and distracted didn’t hear anything else she said. The
barren
search bar at
Encyclopedia of Music
, invited me. I typed
Trent Reznor
. The search

provided few res
ults
.

I sighed. I typed in
Nine Inch Nails.
The
enormous search
result list, lit up my eyes. I clicked the first

result, skimmed the text, and


Reznor had
relocated to Los Angeles, building a studio in a rented house at 10050 Cielo Drive,
Benedict Canyon,

which he later discovered was the scene of the Tate murders by the
Manson family


caught my eyes.

Four members of the Manson family snuck in, five
people were murdered.


The
Encyclopedia of Music

provided information on his me
ntal state while at
Cielo Dri
ve.


Reznor’s exploration of human degradation through sex, drugs, violence,
depression and suicide, closing with
personal emotional pain
…”

I
skimmed the text.

In a new tab I typed
,
Cielo Drive Reznor
,
into
Google
.

Google
, encyclopedias, newspaper articles, and
Rolling Stone M
agazine

all
within a click’s reach. The links shone bright, my eyes widened, and I clicked on
Wikipedia
. Lots of information, about his life, his past, the house, but is it real? An
Knights

Reznor Collection


26

article in
Rolling

Stone Magazine

by Jonathan Gold in 1997 titled
The Downward
Spiral

read,


Recorded not incidentally in the Beverly Hills living room where Tate was
murdered
.

The Downward Spiral

album

explores Reznor's
No. 1 subject,

control
,

in a
thousand different guise
s
.



“Holy crap!” I mumbled, careful not to disrupt Elaine.

According to a
Rolling Stone Magazine

interview titled
Lost Highway

from
1997
Trent
Reznor said about Sharon Tate,

O
ne day I met her sister. It was a
random thing, just a
brief encounter. And sh
e said: ‘
Are you exploiting my sister'
s
death by living in her house?’

For the first time, the whole thing kind of s
lapped me
in the face. I said, ‘
No, it's just sort of my own interest in American folklore. I'm in
this place where a
weird part of history
occurred.’



The Downward Spiral
, a haunted album?” I whispered. “Is it… true?”

*


“Gabby!” Mike waved his hand in front of me. “What house?”


“I don’t want to talk about it.” I uttered. “There was this graphic image, I can’t
get out of my head.”





Knights

Reznor Collection


27


“C’mon Gabby!” Mike teased.


“Fuck!” I stood up and shouted. “Reznor rented the house where these
grotesque murders occurred, remodeled it into his studio, composed music, made a
fucked up snuff video called
Broke
n
…”
I paused
,


This guy is so fucked up.” I

sat
back
down
.


The crunching noise from Dan’s Doritos chewing came to a stop. Dan glanced
at me and stared at his feet. Jen, Marc, and Mike stared at me.


Marc burst out laughing, “Gabby, Gabby. C’mon don’t be such a girl.”


“Why you being sexist?” Jen b
itched.


“Shit Jen, I’m trying to, you know…” Marc chuckled, “… lighten the mood.”


“Ugh.” I got up, “Whatever you guys. I have to pee.” I

made my way out of the
cramped L
-
shaped couch

in Mike’s grimy bachelor basement apartment. Each step I
took crunched
as I stepped on empty bags of chips, beer cans, and junk food
wrappers. I quickly used the bathroom and sat back down on the couch.


“Gabby.” Marc said, “All those things aside, he’s still a great musician.”


“Whatever man.” I grabbed a beer from the mini

fridge.


“Yeah, he made a fucked up twenty minute short film. Yeah, he lived in a
fucked up house. Yeah, he struggled with drug addiction, alcohol, mental health
Knights

Reznor Collection


28

issues and depression. But look where he is now. He’s one of the most admired and
respected a
rtists out there.” Marc nodded and pointed to the Trent Reznor poster on
Mike’s dirty wall.


“Yeah, I guess.” Without making eye contact, I mumbled. “I’m gonna go. I’ll
see you guys later.” I grabbed my coat and purse. “I’ll see myself out.” I strode out
of
Mike’s apartment.













Knights

Reznor Collection


29


Sources
:

Ali, Lorraine (March 18, 1994). "Helter Shelter: Making records where
Manson murdered".
Entertainment Weekly

(214): p.

100
. Retrieved 1 November
2007

BukowskiBabe, . "Hollywood Macabre."
Nine Inch Nails, Marylin
Manson &
Cielo Drive
. Hubpages, n. d. Web. 7 Feb. 2012.
<http://bukowskibabe.hubpages.com/hub/Hollywood
-
Macabre
-
Nine
-
Inch
-
Nails
-
Mariyln
-
Manson
-
Cielo
-
Drive>.

Goettler, Elaine. "Library Resources for WRI320." WRI320 History and
Writing Class. UTM Library, Mi
ssissauga. 24 January 2012. Lecture.

Gold, Jonathan. "Nine Inch Nails."
Downward Spiral
. 01 08 1997: n. page. Web.
7 Feb. 2012. <http://www.rollingstone.com/music/albumreviews/the
-
downward
-
spiral
-
19970801>.

"
Nine Inch Nails
."
Encyclopedia of Popular Music
,

4th ed.

Ed.
Colin Larkin
.
Oxford Music Online
.
7 Feb. 2012

<
http://www.oxfordmusiconline.com.myaccess.library.utoronto.ca/subscriber/arti
cle/epm/46910
>.

"
Nine Inch Nails
-

The Downward Spiral
."
Encyclopedia of Popular Music
,
4th
ed.

Ed.
Colin Larkin
.
Oxford Music Online
.
7 Feb. 2012

Knights

Reznor Collection


30

<
http://www.oxfordmusiconline.com.myaccess.library.utoronto.ca/subscriber/arti
cle/epm/83748
>.

Sharon Tate & Jay Sebring Crime Scene Photo
. N.d. Photograph. Serial Killer
CentralWeb. 4 Apr 2012.
<http://www.members.tripod.co
m/~VanessaWest/sharonsebring.jpg>.

"Trent Reznor Lost Highway interview."
Rolling Stone Magazine
. 06 03 1997:
n. page. Web. 4 Apr. 2012. <http://www.lynchnet.com/lh/lhrs3.html>.

West, Vanessa. "Crime Scene Photos." n.pag.
Tripod
. Web. 4 Apr 2012.
<http://v
anessawest.tripod.com/crimescenephotos.html>.















Knights

Reznor Collection


31

The
Downward Spiral


The open prescription bottle on the bedside table mocked me. I pulled the
heavy
covers over my head, and turned the other way. My thoughts raced. I reached
for the iPod beside

me on the bed, turned it on and put the headphones into my ears
.

I chose the album
Pretty Hate Machine,
listened to

Nine Inch Nails

and slept.

12 hours later.


I pushed my way out from underneath my covers, and off the bed. The
clock
read 6pm.

The bottle
of prescription
anti
-
depressants

mocked me once more. I
reached for it, held the open bottle for a minute, put the lid on it and set it back
down on my bedside table.


I

flicked on the light,

took a few steps into my small music studio turned on
the keybo
ard, the drum machine, the synthesizer, the speakers, the computer and
the microphone. My fingers moved back and forth on the keys, the melody recording
into the computer, and resounding from the speakers. I composed, played, sang, and
cried.

4 hours late
r.

Sobbing I turned off all my music equipment
, flicked off the light
,

sat on the
couch

and opened Google on my
laptop
browser.


“Anything to escape this feeling.” I whispered. “Anything.” Thinking about
Trent Reznor’s own struggle with pain, drugs, depression and alcohol. I reached for
the half empty sixty
-
ounce bottle of Jameson whiskey. “Bottoms up!”

Knights

Reznor Collection


32


I typed
,

Reznor and mental
health
,

into

Google. F
ound over a million results,
groaned and searched for a primary source.


“People, want to drink and do drugs, and that’s their business and I have no
right to comment on any of that.” Trent Reznor said in a phone interview with
Robbi
e Buck on
Tripple J
. in 2007. “For me, I can speak with authority about me
.
Personally,

I turned to drinking and eventually drugs, as a way to not feel bad. You
know? Not feel bad about myself. I never went into it with an intention of becoming
reliant upo
n it or ruining my life in the process.”

I set the laptop beside me on the couch, laid back, closed my eyes, and
listened.

“I bought into the idea for quite some time, that I was the tortured artist that
needed to be a little bit drunk, or a little bit
high to come up with ideas.” Trent
Reznor continued. “That also haunted me, after my life spun out of control. The way
it affected me negatively, on top of everything else was, I couldn’t write. I couldn’t
think straight, and then, whatever talent I had mu
sically, my ability to finish a
thought, you know, really take it and dig deep into myself was gone.”

A tear rolled down my cheek.

“It was like, my head was filled with cotton.” He paused. “And when you’re in
an already confused state, and you add to it t
he thought that you may have
destroyed your brain and be unable to do the one thing that saved you. You know to
me, the only… the only answer to that problem was to get more high.” He paused.
Knights

Reznor Collection


33

“Yeah, to ease the pain. And you get caught in that loop. Which
leads into, you know,
one of two things. You either die. Or you, stop doing it.”



Staring at my browser, I searched for another source.

“It dawned on me that I didn’t turn to drugs and alcohol for creativity.”
Trent
Reznor told
Dose

mag
azine for a 2007 article. “In the end, the drugs and alcohol
were crippling. They killed any bit of art that I had in me.” Trent Reznor said.


“If it only were so
simple
.” I mumbled, brought the bottle to my lips, stared
down at it for a moment or two, an
d put it back down on the ground. I looked back
to the screen, reached for the bottle and with tears in my eyes put it into the garbage
can beside
me. "This

won't be easy.”

I chuckled and sat down in front of my
keyboard.





Trent Reznor suffered a near
-
fatal heroin overdose in London, while touring
The
Fragile
, in 2000. The long awaited concert had to be cancelled. In 2001 he checked
into a re
habilitation center, more determined than ever to stay clean, and sober.





Sydney Morning

Herald

Knights

Reznor Collection


34


Sources
:

Moss, Corey. "The Upward Spiral."
MTV
. n.d. n. page. Web. 2 Apr. 2012.
<http://www.mtv.com/bands/n/nin/news_feature_050509/>.

Nine Inch Nails.
Pretty Hate Machine
. Writ. Trent Reznor. TVT Records, 1989.
Compact Disc.

Roberts, Jo. "Hammer Time Over."
Sydney

Morning Herald
. 05 08 2005. Web. 2
Apr. 2012.
<http://theninhotline.net/archives/articles/manager/display_article.php?id=176>.

Sparks, Alicia. "Mental Health Month Spotlight: Trent Reznor."
PsychCentral
. n.
page. Web. 20 Mar. 2012. <
http://blogs.psychcent
ral.com/celebrity/2009/05/mental
-
health
-
month
-
spotlight
-
trent
-
reznor/#more
-
894
>.

"Trent Reznor's Upward Spiral."
Dose
. 7 2 2007: n. page. Web. 13 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.dose.ca/features/grammy07/story.html?id=78df3872
-
f0e1
-
4453
-
b175
-
68dd66b2cbd5>.

Trent Re
znor, and Robbie Buck.
Trent Reznor Interview
. 2007. Video. Triple
J.Web. 2 Apr 2012.
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_3lRLnAWbU&feature=related>.





Knights

Reznor Collection


35

Legacy


How do you want to be remembered? I wondered. Legacy is important after
all.


“I don’t know.” T
rent Reznor answered in a 2007 article for
Dose

magazine.

*

The light of the bright moon in the navy blue sky, the wet grass of the park
under my feet, the soft wind through my hair, and with the
Nine Inch Nails

songs
blasting through my headphones, I sat
. Thoughts raced through my mind. How to
figure out who I am? What I want? Where my dreams are? All similar questions
contemplated by Trent Reznor. Questions contemplated by everybody. My chest
tightened while
Terrible Lie
from the
Pretty Hate Machine

albu
m played.

Hey God I

really don't know what you mean.

Seems like salvation comes only in our dreams.

I feel my hatred grow all the more extreme.

Hey God can this world really be as sad as it seems
.


Tears dripped down my face. I bit my lip and
lay

back
onto the wet grass. I
felt the cold, wet water on my back, and the warm, salty tears on my lips. My
thoughts raced to an interview I read about Trent Reznor for
MTV News
. The
cancelation of a London tour as
Trent
Reznor overdosed on Heroin, his struggle wi
th
addiction, his need to make music, his life, and his dreams. As my iPod played each
Knights

Reznor Collection


36

song of
Pretty Hate Machine
,

my eyes focused on the
midnight light of the

full

moon,
the tears dripped onto the wet grass, a sigh escaped my lips, and I sobbed.


How do

I want to be remembered?

I don’t know…
















Knights

Reznor Collection


37

Sources
:


Moss, Corey. "Nine Inch Nails: The Upward Spiral."
MTV

News
. Web. 13 Mar.
2012. <http://www.mtv.com/bands/n/nin/news_feature_050509/index.jhtml>.

Nine Inch Nails. Perf.
Pretty Hate Machine
.
Writ. Trent Reznor. TVT Records,
1989. Compact Disc.

Nine Inch Nails. Perf.
Terrible Lie
. Writ. Trent Reznor. Pretty Hate Machine,
TVT Records, 1989. Compact Disc.

"Trent Reznor's Upward Spiral."
Dose
. 7 2 2007: n. page. Web. 13 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.dose
.ca/features/grammy07/story.html?id=78df3872
-
f0e1
-
4453
-
b175
-
68dd66b2cbd5>.

"Trent Reznor."
The Nine Inch Nails Wiki
. Web. 13 Mar 2012.
<http://www.ninwiki.com/Trent_Reznor#Fragile>.